Spring Cleaning

Coffee Table Thoughts – Spring Cleaning

Hello everyone, welcome to the column that comes out wearing the brightest coloured John Cena T-shirt and still gets unnoticed.

I would like to give my thoughts on everybody’s favourite topic to assess at the moment, Spring Cleaning.

All of the choices I have made are legitimate and I can sense these are the most likely cases for Ban Hammer. Err...Releases.

1.     John Cena

This is the guy they had trusted their entire company with. This is the guy they have pushed the most in the last decade. This is the guy that they chose over Brock Lesnar (or after Brock Lesnar, whichever way you want to take it). After gazillion of opportunities to get over with the fans, this guy is still finding his groove. His loss at the hands of The Rock at Wrestlemania is quite telling of where the company sees him. Plus, Company didn’t see interested in punishing Brock Lesnar for the legit shot to the mouth he gave to John Cena. It’s very clear that John Cena is going to lose to Brock Lesnar in the next PPV. Now that you have the guy that you wanted to be the face of your company originally, why settle with the second rate?

But he has become too big a name to be let gone that easily. So they will go the safe route by having him legit injured at the hands of Brock Lesnar. He can always come back in a year or two. Plus this is an all parties happy situation. Fans will be happy to see him finally get out of their screen, Rey Mysterio will get better negotiations, Brock will not have much of competition, John Cena will have a chance to reflect upon his career and find out that there is life beyond WWE and above all, John Cena’s wife and family will finally get what they always wanted.

2.     Wade Barret

See, I get it. He is scheduled to win the Money in the Bank match (Isn’t it funny, they will change the day/event on which the match will be held only for him) but so was Drew McIntyre! He never won it, did he? Now this guy was up for a huge push at Wrestlemania but got injured. And now, there are already a lot of big guys which can replace him. And also, there is a fair chance still that William Regal may come back to the ring given the WWE’s intent on bringing in the old stars. And even if William Regal is not going to come back, Drew McIntyre can always become the first ‘British’ World Champion!!

3.     Dolph Ziggler

He’s a great wrestler. He’s quite good on the mic. Has the personality, the charisma which one would want from a World Champion. But see, that is the problem! There are not enough opportunities for the World Championship material guys. Alberto Del Rio is in line for the championship run, Ryback will be in the running soon along with Cody Rhodes, Lord Tensai and Brodus Clay because, you know, everyone has to be in the main event. Why would they even be in the company if not? Here’s what’s wrong with Dolph Ziggler, he’s not content with the World Championship matches at Royal Rumble, and he’s not content with the multi man/woman matches at Wrestlemania. But you know what’s even worse? He doesn’t cry foul over it. He likes to take it professionally and tries to steal the show in whatever few minutes that he gets. It’s not how the WWE likes it! You better bitch and complain, otherwise how would the WWE management come to know that you are hungry for success?

4.     USOs

If they can’t convince their father to show up with them on Smackdown for a smaller price, they certainly can’t get the WWE universe behind them. Besdies, Rikishi did so much for The Rock. He couldn’t do this for his own sons?

5.     Triple H

Come on now, do I really have to explain this? Triple H is the son-in-law of Vince McMahon is a fact. But there is an even bigger fact that you have missed! Marriages come to a halt, they turn into divorces! It’s a proven fact in the wrestling industry! Besides, it’s about time that Shane McMahon realises the mistake he has made, goes to Himalayas for some soul searching and comes right back at the fore front of the things. And I’m sure if he ever decided to come back, he will not be satisfied with only Smackdown. He would want everything! So what better way to do just that than to create some forced trouble in her dear sister’s marriage?

6.     Sheamus

To accompany his work-out buddy.

Now to end this column, I have prepared a variety of desserts just for you fine folks:

·         I am not in the least interested in the Ryback character. I would have liked him come back as Skip Sheffield. At least the name was cool.

·         I do not understand how TNA audience works. TNA is getting better and better at it’s shows (minus the Bischoff angle, naturally) and the audience keeps getting thinner and thinner.

·         Tito Ortiz indicated that he would like to join WWE after his UFC/MMA career was over. I don’t know him nor have I ever seen him but seems to be quite a celebrity. Are we seeing an opposite of the recent trend? We hear that there are too many MMA fighters who went to MMA instead of staying with wrestling and now there is a returning trend. Brock Lesnar came back from MMA. Alberto Del Rio supposedly is an MMA guy. That’s Cool!!

·         I am impressed by Damien Sandows (pardon the spelling, if it is wrong) and his promos. I haven’t seen his other work in 2006 or something but I like his promos. It would be interesting to see how he presses the universe’s buttons. And he reminds me of the Straight Edge Messiah! 

Dream Matches - Entry 1

Dream Match - Entry 1

Wrestling is an industry to test the strength and wrestling prowess of those who admire. Many a times we find ourselves in a dilemma as to who is our most favourite or that out of chosen two, who would outshine the other. Here, I will try to give my thoughts on some of those rare match-ups where we can go either way of the fence.

Arn Anderson vs Ric Flair

I am not going to sit here and proclaim to be a great historian of the wrestling business. I am not aware of half the things of my own wrestling viewing time and to call oneself an expert on the subject, one would need much more knowledge than that. On that premise, this choice of a match seems more of a valiant effort by a rejected under-aged kid, to look ‘cool’.

I would be lying if I would say I am flattered by the performance of Arn Anderson on the mic or on the mat because I have never seen him perform. I have seen Ric Flair perform, but I am sure none of you believe he can be his former self at this old age – in TNA – where I have seen him perform.

Sure I might have streamed a match or two or a promo or two but that does not justify my selection for this match as a Dream match. Especially when I came to know that this feud and this match has already taken place. Dream matches are those which are yet to take place, right?

I completely get your point. And still, I choose this match as a dream match.

You see, even John Cena vs Undertaker would classify as a dream match despite it already having taken place. The reason behind this is that the feud, the overall conditions were different at the time when it took place. John Cena had not yet become even the rising star that he would become through this feud. Whereas now; he is not only a star but ‘the star’. There is a difference. Undertaker’s legacy was there even then but over the course of the half-decade, it has grown to even more epic proportions. They are both legitimate legends now and have never collided as such. Hence, John Cena vs Undertaker still remains a dream match. In the same way, Arn Anderson vs Ric Flair remains a dream match. And this, even without changing the feud they had the first time around. I would go by the absolute same storyline they had when they actually feuded. Arn Anderson claimed that Ric Flair had held him down for all those years they were the part of Four Horsemen. That is indeed the base on which the whole feud should take place/ should have taken place.

But if the match is the same, the feud is the same, then why is this match a dream match, you ask?

Let me first tell you where I have seen Arn Anderson. I have seen him being made a puppet by Stone Cold Steve Austin. A puppet. Sure everyone gets a beating in the hands of Stone Cold but being made to look like a puppet? What does that tell you of the status of Arn Anderson on the overall history of the business?

You see, Arn Anderson is considered a phenomenal talent. He had all the tools to be the greatest ever. He had the technical prowess, the moves to go along with that, the mic skills that can put Dolph Ziggler to shame, the intensity that can only be matched by Mick Foley and the charisma. He had everything. He even had that one particular aspect which is the most determinate factor of all, the drawing power. As a part of Four Horsemen, he surely drew well.

But he never became the Superstar that he deserved to be. He just remained a megastar. The one who would appear in the top 10 list of the smarkiest smarks but never on a top 10 list of a mark.

Look no further than Batista vs Triple H storyline from 2005. Batista was the modern day Enforcer. Triple H was the modern day Nature Boy. Batista became a fan favourite that many can only dream to be. What if this was given to a man who actually had all the better tools to handle such a huge fan support? He would go on to become the greatest of the great.

What separates Arn Anderson from other greats in the business who never won the big one – namely Rowdy Roddy Piper, Mr Perfect, Ted Dibiase and others – is that none of them had a built in feud in their careers. In the end, even they could have taken that final step towards greatness that no doubt they were deserving of but none of them had that one competitor who was just so right. Mr Perfect could have won the big belt from Bret Hart, Roddy Piper could have won it from Hulk Hogan but none would be as intense as Arn taking the big gold belt from Ric Flair. The personal history between the two is in itself so epic and storied that there was no chance for it to fail. And it surprises me to a great extent, why this has not taken place in reality.

I would want Arn Anderson to go over Ric Flair clean for the World Heavyweight Championship, when it made the most sense. And it could have been at anytime during the 80s or early 90s when they were both relevant. And we could have seen a face so strong that rivalled Stone Cold Steve Austin and Hulk Hogan in terms of popularity and overall impact in the world of professional wrestling.

The Way Ahead

The Way Ahead

Wrestlemania season has just ended. Some are happy with it. Some are not so. And some are outright angry with what was put on show on the grandest stage of them all on the very lovable April fool’s day.

But the wrestling world lives on.

Some got the chance to shine on this day. Some didn’t.

But forget all of that. Because the New Year is about to begin!

It was very nice to see some positivity from the young undercard wrestlers of the WWE after the event was over. Usually, we get an angry banter from the young guys. But this year, almost everyone expressed a similar feeling. They are all determined and hopeful to be on the card for next year’s Wrestlemania. Because they have now seen the end of an era!

It is evident then, that they don’t read the dirt-sheets.

Biggest Match Ever!!!!!!!!!

The plans are already in motion to bring to us the biggest match in the history of WWE! If you thought this year’s Wrestlemania showcased the biggest match in the history of the WWE, you are completely wrong! You will see the biggest match ever in the next year on the occasion of Wrestlemania 29!

Nothing ever gets bigger than this.

Any guesses?

I’ll give you a hint.

It features an already established star/former star in it.

Not a clue?

Well, here’s presenting you the biggest match ever in the history of the WWE:

EVERY FUCKING MATCH IN WRESTLEMANIA 29

No seriously, that’s true!

There will be The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Brock Lesnar, Batista, John Cena, Randy Orton, CM Punk and probably even Triple H!

Just look at that list. That’s ridiculous! This is what Wrestlemania has become. A place and time which is completely different from the regular WWE programming. They are constantly in search of the permutations and combinations which they have never tried; they are in search of the biggest stars that have never faced off against each other and when they don’t find such combinations, they just put together a match we have already seen. Here’s a trick. Why don’t you guys just put a big screen in that New Jersey Arena and telecast Wrestlemania 17 all over again on the day of Wrestlemania?

And Curt Hawkins thinks he will be on the Wrestlemania card next year! Yeah sure, Curt. Here’s a message from your buddy Tyler Reks, “We are friends now. But we won’t be friends come next year! (Because it is a tag team, and there is only one way a tag team can go in the WWE – the split!) We have gone through a lot. We have been friends and we have been enemies. It’s time to finally find out who is better amongst us. And it cannot be done at any lesser stage. Our rivalry will be remembered for ages. Our match will be remembered in awe by millions. It will be the biggest match ever. See you at Wrestlemania 29 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................in the dark match!”

Lucky 2 Many?

In 2010, it was very clear that WWE’s future was in danger. Several top stars retired/ partly retired in a very short period.

There was a clear urgency to make new stars. There was a need to give opportunity to their young stars. And that they did. That is until Wrestlemania.

In 2011, the only two young talents that got the chance to shine were The Miz and Cody Rhodes. There were a few stars that had had a great year in 2010-2011 but the opportunity was given to only the two of them. It can be said that CM Punk too got his chance and that may be he wasn’t that established by that time but he was a 3 time world champion already!

Then there was this Alberto Del Rio. The young, arrogant Mexican Aristocrat. It was clear in almost everyone’s mind that he wasn’t ready for that spotlight as yet.

Speaking of those stars that had a great year in 2010-2011, John Morrison, Dolph Ziggler, Wade Barret and Daniel Bryan were left off the card or given absolutely nothing to work with. The Miz was in an important position but he played a third wheel in a feud that was supposed to be centred on him. Cody got his chance, though.

And 12 months later, regardless of any other superstar that may or may not have improvised their status with the company, Cody got his chance. Again. Think about it again. Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Zack Ryder, Santino Marrela, Miz were all devoid of their Wrestlemania moment. But Cody got his chance.

He got his chance to shine, while Dolph Ziggler was placed along with 11 others, Daniel Bryan lost his chance all over again, Wade Barret lost his health (which is purely coincidental but still) and John Morrison simply lost his job.

I don’t know whether that is an indication of the company’s choice or a mere coincidence. But it is clear as water that Cody’s Wrestlemania resume continues to build whereas every other young talented star gets sidelined one time or the other (Mostly all the time).

Sure, there are better things planned for Daniel Bryan. Sure, there are better days ahead for Sheamus. Sure, Dolph Ziggler will get to showcase his talent night in and night out all over again. Sure, The Miz will get many opportunities to shine again.

But.  Not at Wrestlemania.

And therefore, my dear geek friends, let the bandwagon slow down, let the hype be settled down, for the age of new generation has arrived, and you will get to see it ONLY at this time of the year, on the NON - Road to Wrestlemania!

The best time of the year, has just begun!

Disappointment

Coffee Table Thoughts {9} – Disappointment

Disappointment A boss gets disappointed by the performance of his employee. A wife gets disappointed by the carelessness of his husband. But what we humans hate the most are the moments when we are disappointed by ourselves. Or disappointed in ourselves. Whichever is the correct phrase? Allow me to explain, or rather, just forget that.

Chris Jericho is F’in Awesome!

The man’s a true prick. He has mastered the art of getting under the skin of absolutely anyone that he wishes to. You knew from the beginning of his video promo on this week’s Raw that he was up to something. When he began to showcase the guilty emotions, you knew that he was going to change the gear soon. And when he said ‘however.....’ and paused for a few seconds, you knew he was up to no good.

I laughed out loud at every second of it and that is not being insensitive to the hurt feelings of one CM Punk. CM Punk kept getting emotional and hyper and thus kept increasing the intensity throughout the interaction. Jericho, on the other hand, managed to cool down the atmosphere with his obnoxious remarks and comical facial expressions. It was nice to see Jericho acting shocked when CM Punk used some ‘bleep’ remarks as if he was the nice guy. Ha Ha!

I believe Chris Jericho easily won the vocal contest on this Monday night except for a great line by CM Punk where he listed down the ways in which one can overcome obstacles. He called Jericho an obstacle itself and said instead of jumping over it, or digging a deep hole and crawling underneath it, he was going to go straight through it. Absolutely fiery mic-work by Punk here. But I thought he went a little too overboard with the expressions. The audience was fully behind Punk throughout though so that’s a good sign.

And oh yeah, ‘I am proud of my father’. I genuinely clapped at that line, even though I was sitting in my home in front of a computer, watching it 12 hours after the actual occurrence! Hurray Punk!

We have gone through various emotions regarding this match. It has been in the discussion forums even before Chris Jericho made his actual return. First it was assumed that Jericho would start the inevitable programme with Punk the moment he returns. Then we hoped that he would challenge CM Punk as the winner of the Royal Rumble. His unfortunate exit from the Elimination Chamber made us believe that he would get his rightful rematch as a result. But finally, the match was determined on the basis of a Battle Royal that forced Wade Barret to go on a long vacation.

There are several of us ‘IWC’ that feel that the latest turn of events in this feud has left a bad taste. They feel that the personal remarks made by Chris Jericho are uncalled for and that they are taking the match to a direction which isn’t needed.

But according to me, the biggest turn that the match took is when it was pushed in the ‘face-heel’ dynamic.

Both CM Punk and Chris Jericho are IWC darlings and have been for years. Both of them are fairly established stars and would be cheered loudly by the live crowd comprising mainly of casual fans. If Chris Jericho had remained face upon his return, things would have been a little different. If he would have remained face going into Wrestlemania, this could have been filled with Nostalgia. And in the long run, this little fact will have a bearing on where we will view this match in comparison to other matches in the rich history of Wrestlemania and in comparison to other matches on the same card.

Chris Jericho is known for staying on ground at least when it comes to professional wrestling (I don’t expect to see the same thing from him in real life. The guy’s a douche!) He always brings down the ‘greatness’ stuff. I may very well be blabbering here but I am trying to make a point. Some of the things that Chris Jericho did, if he would have done it a bit differently, or may be with a complete 180, then in my opinion, he would have been an even bigger legend.

Take for example his match with Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 19. After the match was over, they both hugged each other and the live audience loved it. If the last image of the two would have been that, I am sure Chris Jericho’s status would have been elevated in the eyes of the fans. But no, he had to kick Michaels in the nuts.

Another such example is very recent, when CM Punk told him that may be he was a lot like Jericho but he had already surpassed everything that Chris Jericho has ever done or ever accomplished. Jericho could have accepted it and came out with an argument that people never accepted him like they accepted Punk. He could have gone on to say he never wanted to be ‘The Man’. But what does he do? He completely ignores what Punk said. And goes on to say the same things that he had said just a few minutes ago. #LikeATroll

See, it may come off as foolish. You may argue that such small things wouldn’t make much of difference in his resume. You would say that Jericho has already achieved everything that one can ask for. He has become a legend in this business. And I agree with that. But he severely lacks more of those ‘Y2J Debut’ moments. Those moments that we would remember till the last day of our lives are sorely lacking in his resume. He cuts great promos. He performs greatly in his matches. And gives meaning to everything that he does.  But he also keeps things grounded. These are small things which differentiate Arn Andersons of the world from Ric Flairs of the world.

But that’s Jericho for you. This is the guy who wants to see his career end the way the life of a side-kick of the villain in a movie ends. The one who dies from one bullet shot from the hero and falls screaming ‘Aaaaahh......’

Overall though, I’m very much satisfied with how this feud has developed over few months. They will be up against a match involving legends from yester years; a match where icons of two different eras collide; a game Randy Orton going against reinvigorated Kane; two hungry young men who will not hesitate at going the length of physical abuse; and two other matches which can turn out to be very decent. Any of these matches can steal the show; can be the contender for match of the year.

And in light of these facts, these two are going in the right direction. The feud is meaningful, with a purpose other than, or should I say more than, clash of the titans. They are keeping it grounded by adding human-ish tendencies. They have a reasonable chance of escalating Wrestlemania.

And this does not remind me of the term ‘disappointment’.

Randy Orton and Kane have been thrown into a make shift feud. Because neither had any matches set up going into Wrestlemania. But the creative and the wrestlers have done a good job of keeping it meaningful and interesting.

When every other feud was slowly developing on the back of promos (and less by actual physical exchange), they gave this feud a start with the physicality. In the normal course, it wouldn’t mean much, but because the build is different than the rest of the matches, it maintains interest. And then they added meaning to it.

I know, it’s just a small excuse they’ve found out but it plays very well. Kane is disappointed in himself, he was disappointed about the lows he had reached when Randy Orton beat the hell out of him last summer (Summer of Christian?) and hence wants to avenge the person who forced him into such a situation. Randy Orton’s promos continue to be meaningful and decent (Now go on, start a clan to berate me for what I said there, I know no one else believes that). But this feud is based on hate. Or to be honest, it’s just based on the need of violence. It doesn’t even need hate. Both these characters are such suckers for the violence that they would rather fight a cup-board for the rest of their lives without ever coming to a conclusion instead of fighting with someone who they can beat in 2 minutes.

And that’s why it is important to note that they’ve both found a worthy opponent in each other. They want to stop at nothing and that is what they are getting from each other - a licence to keep beating the hell out of each other.

Newton’s Foresight

1.      Randy Orton vs. Kane will get a stipulation added to it.

2.      Undertaker will defeat Triple H at Wrestlemania 28 without any shenanigans from Shawn Michaels.

3.      Miz will be revealed as the final member of Team Teddy Long.

4.      If in case they decide to give this chance to Evan Bourne instead of Miz, then Miz will issue an open challenge at Wrestlemania and that challenge will be accepted by none other than..........John Morrison.

5.      John Cena will turn heel at Wrestlemania 28*

* Conditions apply

Hiding Behind A Mask

Hiding Behind A Mask

Would you like to share your thoughts on the match that just concluded?

..........

What is the future course of action you are planning to take?

..........

..........

..........

Why do you wear this mask?

..........

Errm....From when did you want to wear this mask?

...........

Errmm...well that’s all the time we have folks, signing off.....

From Ever.

Huh? Sorry...what did you say? You mean, you wanted to wear the mask from ever?

Yes.

From what we know, you started wearing the mask once you....

No....you know nothing.

Then would you like to share that knowledge with us?

Hmmmm....

This mask gives me power

What kind of power? Does it give you control over natural elements like fire?

No.

..........

It gives me power to become something I am not. It gives me power to undo all the wrongdoings that were caused upon me. It gives me power to overcome those odds that I hitherto could not, despite my best and honest attempts at it. This world will never budge from doing what they do best and that is to cause injustice and create an environment of inequality.

..........

It allows me to be me........ by becoming something I never portrayed myself as.....but in hindsight, was never anything but.

Could you please explain us.......all this.

..........

Could you please explain us what this mask allows you to be that you say you are not but may be you always were....

There is no may be.

..........

I always was an oddity, an anomaly. I was the strange one of the group, whichever one that I was part of. I was considered as the odd one out.

Why so?

I don’t know. Or perhaps, I do know.

Perhaps you may know? You are guessing at it aren’t you? Didn’t you just ask your friends or whoever they were, as to why they behaved with you the way they did?

No.

What conclusion did you come to? I mean, how did you reach to the conclusion that you were considered as the odd one out by your peers?

I was made fun of.

You were made fun of?

Yes.

How?

You see, I have this vibe of un-likeability about me.

What do you mean?

I was always the lesser liked. I didn’t get the open arms from people the way everyone else did. I got the shorter end of the stick more times than not. And that would have been okay in all the profits and perks that the commercial end of the life has to offer but it really hurts when even the people that you care for show nothing but ignorance at best and disliking at worst towards you. 

........

I am not accepted the way I am. I never was accepted in this society as an equal. They thought – and believed that I lacked something. They thought I was being treated the right way by the almighty because I was not putting in the efforts required to bring happiness to my life. They said that I was not interested in my progress and that I took life in a very casual way. They wanted me to change.

They wanted you to change? How?

It isn’t really important what they wanted me to change....or how. What is important is that they wanted me to change. They wanted me to become something that I never was. In first viewing, it may seem they wanted to change me for better. It may seem they wanted me to become a better person but by repeatedly calling me out on my habits and manners, they were in essence, questioning my very existence, shunning my very identity.

That’s.....that’s sad. How did you react to that?

I didn’t.

I couldn’t...react to their continuous berating of my self-esteem.

See, there is a problem in it. When someone who is not expected to overcome the odds manages to do so, he becomes an inspiration for others. But more than that – he becomes an example. An example to so called berate those others who couldn’t achieve the same goal, all in the name of encouragement.

...........

The odds that were stacked up against me may never seem big enough to you, as compared to say, odds faced by a person with disability and I understand that. But the very reason that no one else in this world even considers these odds as odds itself makes them bigger. Because what I am expected to deal with everyday in the most, easiest of manners is what I am not capable of pulling off. I am not capable to pull it off because it does not depend upon me. It depends on people. It depends on how they perceive it.

What are you talking?

What I am saying is, take for example this....this guy who is expected to headline the Wrestlemania season this year, this back stabber of a person, this ‘long-haired’, multi-time world champion. He was my brother. He was my best friend. When we were younger, he meant everything to me. But... but these comparisons between him and me, these praises that are bestowed upon him, this iconic status that he has achieved within this organisation has always seen by me with the glass of envy. I am envious, I am jealous because there really should not be any difference between us. I am a two time world champion and I have always been better than him, just not as motivated as him in going outside the box and just not as popular as him.

Does this suggest that you may break upon his festivities come Wrestlemania?

I am better than that.

See, I know him in and out. I can feel his breathing. And I, know for a fact, that he is no more the same man that he once was. He is no more that veteran who brought a mystifying aura with him. He is a dying man and I can see that in his walk. And everyone who saw him, knows that too.

I want to end all the.... all the venom that has been stored inside my heart towards him and let him shine in this, this last dance of his. I want to direct this anger towards....towards someone else.

In that case, where are you setting your eyes then?

World Heavyweight Champion – Daniel Bryan.

Woah!...where did that come from? Besides, Daniel Bryan is set to face Sheamus to defend his World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania. What makes you think that you can challenge the World Heavyweight Champion right off the bat?

Because,

I deserve

ONE MORE MATCH!