Spring Cleaning

Coffee Table Thoughts – Spring Cleaning

Hello everyone, welcome to the column that comes out wearing the brightest coloured John Cena T-shirt and still gets unnoticed.

I would like to give my thoughts on everybody’s favourite topic to assess at the moment, Spring Cleaning.

All of the choices I have made are legitimate and I can sense these are the most likely cases for Ban Hammer. Err...Releases.

1.     John Cena

This is the guy they had trusted their entire company with. This is the guy they have pushed the most in the last decade. This is the guy that they chose over Brock Lesnar (or after Brock Lesnar, whichever way you want to take it). After gazillion of opportunities to get over with the fans, this guy is still finding his groove. His loss at the hands of The Rock at Wrestlemania is quite telling of where the company sees him. Plus, Company didn’t see interested in punishing Brock Lesnar for the legit shot to the mouth he gave to John Cena. It’s very clear that John Cena is going to lose to Brock Lesnar in the next PPV. Now that you have the guy that you wanted to be the face of your company originally, why settle with the second rate?

But he has become too big a name to be let gone that easily. So they will go the safe route by having him legit injured at the hands of Brock Lesnar. He can always come back in a year or two. Plus this is an all parties happy situation. Fans will be happy to see him finally get out of their screen, Rey Mysterio will get better negotiations, Brock will not have much of competition, John Cena will have a chance to reflect upon his career and find out that there is life beyond WWE and above all, John Cena’s wife and family will finally get what they always wanted.

2.     Wade Barret

See, I get it. He is scheduled to win the Money in the Bank match (Isn’t it funny, they will change the day/event on which the match will be held only for him) but so was Drew McIntyre! He never won it, did he? Now this guy was up for a huge push at Wrestlemania but got injured. And now, there are already a lot of big guys which can replace him. And also, there is a fair chance still that William Regal may come back to the ring given the WWE’s intent on bringing in the old stars. And even if William Regal is not going to come back, Drew McIntyre can always become the first ‘British’ World Champion!!

3.     Dolph Ziggler

He’s a great wrestler. He’s quite good on the mic. Has the personality, the charisma which one would want from a World Champion. But see, that is the problem! There are not enough opportunities for the World Championship material guys. Alberto Del Rio is in line for the championship run, Ryback will be in the running soon along with Cody Rhodes, Lord Tensai and Brodus Clay because, you know, everyone has to be in the main event. Why would they even be in the company if not? Here’s what’s wrong with Dolph Ziggler, he’s not content with the World Championship matches at Royal Rumble, and he’s not content with the multi man/woman matches at Wrestlemania. But you know what’s even worse? He doesn’t cry foul over it. He likes to take it professionally and tries to steal the show in whatever few minutes that he gets. It’s not how the WWE likes it! You better bitch and complain, otherwise how would the WWE management come to know that you are hungry for success?

4.     USOs

If they can’t convince their father to show up with them on Smackdown for a smaller price, they certainly can’t get the WWE universe behind them. Besdies, Rikishi did so much for The Rock. He couldn’t do this for his own sons?

5.     Triple H

Come on now, do I really have to explain this? Triple H is the son-in-law of Vince McMahon is a fact. But there is an even bigger fact that you have missed! Marriages come to a halt, they turn into divorces! It’s a proven fact in the wrestling industry! Besides, it’s about time that Shane McMahon realises the mistake he has made, goes to Himalayas for some soul searching and comes right back at the fore front of the things. And I’m sure if he ever decided to come back, he will not be satisfied with only Smackdown. He would want everything! So what better way to do just that than to create some forced trouble in her dear sister’s marriage?

6.     Sheamus

To accompany his work-out buddy.

Now to end this column, I have prepared a variety of desserts just for you fine folks:

·         I am not in the least interested in the Ryback character. I would have liked him come back as Skip Sheffield. At least the name was cool.

·         I do not understand how TNA audience works. TNA is getting better and better at it’s shows (minus the Bischoff angle, naturally) and the audience keeps getting thinner and thinner.

·         Tito Ortiz indicated that he would like to join WWE after his UFC/MMA career was over. I don’t know him nor have I ever seen him but seems to be quite a celebrity. Are we seeing an opposite of the recent trend? We hear that there are too many MMA fighters who went to MMA instead of staying with wrestling and now there is a returning trend. Brock Lesnar came back from MMA. Alberto Del Rio supposedly is an MMA guy. That’s Cool!!

·         I am impressed by Damien Sandows (pardon the spelling, if it is wrong) and his promos. I haven’t seen his other work in 2006 or something but I like his promos. It would be interesting to see how he presses the universe’s buttons. And he reminds me of the Straight Edge Messiah!