Coffee Table Thoughts : Raw Opening
Segment, John Laurinaitis and #facepalms
Raw Opening Segment and the WWE
Championship
I
love clusterfucks! I love them especially if they build towards something
special or fresh. WWE Championship belt has been doing a lot of travelling job
recently from one shoulder to another, I agree, but the last feud between CM
Punk and Alberto Del Rio has been so uninteresting that it felt it was going on
for ages. Alberto Del Rio has proven to be a wrong bet at the top of the card
but his feud with CM Punk shouldn’t be over this soon. There should be a proper
pay-off. In the segment, he held his own, the way he can. He was never going to
outshine three other probably the best talkers in the entire roster, but he
managed to stay there and relevant.
The
segment began with John Cena. He once again dodged the urge to respond to the
hate that was shown to him by the Universe and the slap that was hit by the
legend Rowdy Roddy Piper. He just had
to start with that slap, so he did, but then quickly went about business. He
emphasised on the importance of the WWE Championship and quickly included
himself in the title hunt. His match with Zack Ryder was a great social
experiment according to me and John Cena did a good job of building Zack Ryder.
It
was great to see The Miz in there with the other wanna be contenders. He hasn’t
seemed as important in quite a while. The last time he was important was when
he was making Alex Riley a star. He showed through his mic skills, not going
overboard, that he deserved to be at the very top of the card. His forgettable
run as a tag team with R Truth is finally over and he can concentrate on more
important things now.
But
perhaps the best of the lot was the introduction of Dolph Ziggler in the WWE
Championship scene. He was in the World Heavyweight Championship at about this
time last year and earlier in the current year which also involved a very very
brief run as the World Champion. But his move from Smackdown to Raw had hurt
him a lot. After struggling and slowly moving to the top of the card after
years of effort in Smackdown, he had finally got his opportunity in the
sunshine but that was not to last longer. And since coming to Raw, he has been
in the mid-card scene only. He has established himself firmly in the role of go
to guy, but I feel he needs to move on. This time hopefully, his stay at the
top won’t be a one night stand. Well, Dolph didn’t exactly got included in the
WWE Title picture, but he is getting there, possibly to stay there.
From
the looks of it, Alberto Del Rio is surely going out of the WWE Championship
picture; John Cena is already out and probably will stay out. That leaves us
with CM Punk, Miz and Dolph Ziggler and it is amusing. Whatever the card be for
TLC, all these three deserve to be in a match for WWE Championship at the
grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania. But perhaps it will be only a one on
one match. So who is going out?
R
Truth will be returning within a few weeks and that can result in a feud which
can keep The Miz busy even up to Wrestlemania. R Truth has been an interesting
character right now, and probably will work very well as a face. The feud
between him and Miz has all the potential in the world of becoming interesting
but does it need to continue till Wrestlemania? Dolph Ziggler too can very well
be busy fighting or avoiding Zack Ryder for the United States Championship up
until Wrestlemania and then having the big pay off as Zack Ryder finally wins
this title at Wrestlemania. But does it need to happen at Wrestlemania?
Clearly, there is a greater good that will be achieved by keeping either of the
two out of their most probable feuds. Or is it?
What
if CM Punk finds another credible opponent for the big day? What if that person
happens to be returning on the second day of January next year? What if....and
here is where it all changes, what if that person is NOT CHRIS JERICHO? What if
that video package is suggesting the return of the most obvious candidate in
Undertaker? What if he comes out, despite of all the cryptic messages that he
has sent, outside the gimmick of deadman? What if he wants to bow out as
himself? What if he returns as biker-taker or just pure Mark Callaway? That is
a stretch and probably will be a spoilsport but CM Punk is known for dropping
pipebombs and he will have a huge one in his hand and what if he uses as a fuel
in the feud, that fateful incident?
Naaaaah.....I
agree, that’s not happening.
John Laurinaitis
He
is a terminator. He was literally born out of that epic shoot promo. No one
outside of the news reporters was aware of his existence before then. He has no
history before that event. Has he come for one special purpose? He walked out
at the most successful event in a long time – Money in the bank. He didn’t take
too long to be noticed.
An
entire storyline was begun, built, developed and then scrapped just to give him
the spotlight. No, Triple H was not the Undertaker who buried everyone, it was
John Laurinaitis. Vince McMahon, CM Punk, Kevin Nash and Triple H, every one of
them were used to throw the spotlight on him. It might not have been meant to
be that way, but that’s what the end result was. He didn’t take long time to
get noticed. With no real facial expressions, very doubtable intentions, malign-looking
decisions, the unbearable voice and constant goof-ups, he is a hated heel. But
that is not really for right reasons. And that is why he reminds me of someone
else.
The
reasons why he is a hated figure in the IWC (don’t really hate that term), are
the reasons I had heard for someone else when I first arrived in these parts.
These reasons – not having any real talent; being booed genuinely as no one
wants to see this person; this is not heel heat but real heat – these reasons
make me compare him to that other person. You see, these were the arguments
being made about this person, not anymore!
That
person is none other than the biggest heat magnet in the WWE right now, Vicky
Guerrero. Yes, yes, these were the arguments being made against her. What has
happened now? People have stopped arguing their case; they have simply accepted
her as a heel and not as a talentless money eater. And this makes me think,
will this be the fate of John Laurinaitis too?
I
actually like his character, his work. He isn’t a charismatic talker. He shows
vulnerability when he fumbles or goofs up a simple sentence. He, however, does
not let that affect his character. He moves on, to probably fumble later on. Look
all around you, your past; don’t these people exist in real life? Yes they do.
To me, he is a character drawn out of real life. This Monday, he did make
things interesting. He created some interest for the match between John Cena
and Zack Ryder. He made some really good matches, interesting scenarios and his
attempt of taking the pictures of the individuals involved in the WWE Title
match made me chuckle. In that particular case, he was interesting. More
interesting than your, oh so common and repetitive suggestions, CM Punk. He was
a rebel for that one night, not you Punk. He tried to go in a different
direction than the company had historically gone, not you.
His
intentions, however, remain doubtable. He made a move that could have affected
a sort of friendship between John Cena and Zack Ryder, he has deliberately
tried to stop Zack Ryder saying that he hasn’t yet earned his shot, he did that
this Monday by placing him first against the almighty John Cena and then
against the bad ass monster Mark Henry just so he could get a ‘future’ shot at
the United States Championship. We don’t know when this ‘future’ will become
present, but he at least gave Zack Ryder an opportunity. He didn’t reject the
Online Petition of Zack Ryder because it was against the management choice, but
because the signatures in that petition were not numerically enough. And these
reasons stop him from being a full-blown heel authority figure. I would once
again repeat what I have already said twice, his intentions are doubtable. They
may be wrong, bad, but they may even be good. And because of this reason, he
reminds me of someone else too.........
He
reminds me of not a real life person, not a wrestling personality, but of the
most intriguing character ever written in the fictional book. He reminds me of
Severus Snape from Harry Potter series. For entire eight parts of the series,
he was what John Laurinaitis is today. His actions quickly made him look like a
heel, the Severus Snape I’m talking about, but never proven. He kept riding on
that doubt. He may be good, he may be bad. He was never a face. He was never a
heel. He was just perceived one way or the other.
Am
I suggesting we are up for the biggest face turn ever encountered in the
wrestling business since its inception in the seventeenth century? Hell No. But
in an industry which is driven by characters, I find this character to be
adding a whole new dimension in the heel-face divide.
#facepalm
If
you regularly use twitter or have ever used it, you must be familiar with this
term. It is used when someone completely makes a joke of himself by making a
very stupid argument or if someone completely misunderstands what was said.
Generally, it represents the moments of embarrassments. Here is a list of my
most favourite/hated #facepalms in the wrestling today.
5. Divas
Division
Every
time? Every time the match has to be that short? Every time does Beth Pheonix
need to lose a match by a roll up? The action is not crisp even in those two
minutes. And what is with that skirt, Beth? I would consider a bikini more
decent outfit than a skirt that pops out your inner-wears or shorts, in this
case. That looks ugly. Please change your attire! Well at least it is not in
the proportion of Angelina Love/Madison Rayne (I don’t remember the name – not
the skinny one, but the homeless girl that tries to please Karen Jarret). At
one point, I thought she had gone complete commando (nu*e) during that tag team
match from a few weeks ago. And I am still not sure about that! May be you guys
can check that match from a few weeks ago and let me know? (Cheap Plug for a
wrestling show)
4. WWE Commentary
I
think the only person that really manages to respond well is King Kervin – oh
sorry, Jerry the King Lawler. While Josh Matthews lets it slide many a times or
does not give enough fight, Booker T simply slides with Michael Cole most of
the times. Jerry Lawler, however, manages to keep making Michael Cole look stupid
or manages to hand a couple of lines that can make Michael Cole rephrase his
words (not change his opinion). Isn’t that amusing? I have talked about
responding, not calling the match, or being interesting in whatever you have to
say, because that’s exactly what the role of the other three announcers is. To
respond to Michael ‘The Great’ Cole.
‘You
are a piece of garbage Bryan, you are a piece of garbage. Now how do you feel?
You are nothing but a piece of garbage. You deserve everything you’ve got
Bryan, because you are nothing but garbage’
- Sir Michael Cole (Knighted
on the day every single alive human being died a little from inside)
I
get that WWE has always been about heel-face announcers, but to this extent?
Really Cole, really? You justify the beating that was laid upon Booker t
because he was too opinionated, and yet you can be opinionated because you are
too seasoned. Booker T beating the crap out of Cody Rhodes is ambush?
I
really love the TNA announce team. They are not divided in the heel-face
dynamic. They are neutral. They are just announcers. They may not be great, but
they don’t really need to do anything in order to look great. The majority of
the task of them looking great is handled by the WWE Announce Team.
3. Dolph Ziggler
Show
Off. Show Off. Show Off.
It
is not Show Off, if you can back it up.
Can
you back it up? Yes you can.
Since
you can back it up, it is not Show Off, right?
Then
why the heck do you want to call yourself a ‘Show Off’?
2. David Otunga
This
was in my mind for a long time. I just didn’t find the right time to say this.
Now, Hustle has beaten me to it.
Ever
since David Otunga has scrapped the underwear (wrestling shorts) and donned those
Harvard Law Graduate clothes, this glass has never been out of his hands. Is it
an urn or something?
What
is it in your glass, David? Does that taste that damn good? Is it a black magic
practiced by Jennifer Hudson so that you cannot cheat on her? Does that help
you remember every clause of every act that you say you have learned (or the
dialogues that you are supposed to say)? Or is it to keep you alive? Because,
someone has definitely sucked the life out of you
1.
John
Laurinaitis
For
all the praise I may have given to him in this column, I can simply not ignore
this.
‘My
name is Mr John Laurinaitis and I am the Executive Vice President of Talent
Relations and the Interim General Manager of Raw’.
I
don’t have any problem with him continuously repeating these words. I have a
problem with a very little word, a prefix in that sentence. I have a problem
with ‘Mr’.
Who
in this world refers to oneself as ‘Mr’? Not women, neither children and nor do
men.
See,
it is when others refer you, do they use the prefix ‘Mr’. Well, some of you may
not be used to being referred to as ‘Mr’ but that’s okay. The point here is
that you can go to Britain, find a person who is in dire need of help, you
would offer them some help, and they wouldn’t take your help for a simple
reason that you did not refer to them as ‘Mr’ when you offered them help. I
used Britain because Britishers are known to have the biggest egos on the
world. Even they won’t refer to themselves as ‘Mr’. Sure, they may go all out of
the way and compel you to refer to them as ‘Your Highness, the greatest to ever
live, the King of......’ you get the picture. But none of them will ever say,
‘My name is Mr John Laurinaitis’. They will simply say, ‘My name is John
Laurinaitis’.
Well,
that’s all for this edition folks! See you next time J
